My name is Sterling, I'm 22-years-old, and I am the birthmother to the most gorgeous little boy in the world. I started this blog to share my experiences, thoughts, and help myself move forward after placing my sweet little boy. If this is your first time visiting my blog, I invite you to read my story (top of the left column). Feel free to comment with questions or requests. If you follow me, I'll follow you!
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Ben and I (Sterling) have been dating for six months. A month ago, we found out that I'm pregnant. Unfortunately, a future together doesn't look like it's in the cards. I never thought something could hurt so much physically and emotionally. We had been planning a life together, but with the recent arguments and emotional strain we've put each other through, it doesn't seem like it will work out between us. So we're in the process of deciding what to do. We both love this baby already, but we also understand that it's unfair to bring a child into a life where it would be fought over by the mother and father from the very beginning. Besides that, due to religious affiliation, it would be difficult to decide who would be sealed to the baby, Ben the father, or me the mother. As I write this right now, I'm the most calm I've been in a while. I've gone through severe emotional trauma, and realizing that Ben will not be a permanent part of my life has been heartbreaking. Knowing on top of it that I may only have my baby for a few hours... it really hurts. But I know that I am strong enough to survive this. Hopefully this blog will be found by other women who find themselves in unfortunate circumstances. I pray that I can offer hope, comfort, and peace. Please feel free to leave messages. I could use encouragement and words of support, as well as try to offer sympathy for anyone else in my situation. I'm not a 'stupid teenager' who just got pregnant. I'm 20 years old, Ben is 23, and we're both old enough to have known better and realize the consequences of our actions. I always hear about teenage mothers who place their children for adoption... but this is my story. I love my baby. It's hard to think that I'm actually considering placing my baby for adoption... except that I know that it's possible to give this precious, beautiful baby more than what I can offer. Messages left in anger at me for not loving my baby enough, or taking the easy road out... please don't leave them. I cry every night, knowing that a few precious hours may be all I have with my child. I'm not giving my baby up... I'm giving my baby more.