Today I learned about the daughter of a dear friend who is expecting. My heart broke a little, thinking back on who I was when I was in that position. (Of being unwed and pregnant).
I was pretty selfish. Emotional. I didn't care much about my family, or expectations. I didn't have much of a belief in God, let alone a testimony of the atonement of Jesus Christ. Why did I think back to who I was? Because I have made some very, very wrong calls on what I *thought* an expectant mother would decide for her child.
I am guilty of assuming that because a girl does not live the law of chastity, and doesn't initially seem to understand the importance of a family, they will not make the decision to place. I have been proven wrong on many occasions. Then, when I know a girl is absolutely not going to parent, she does.
It's not fair that I make these assumptions... because I'm almost positive that until I was well into my pregnancy, nobody expected me to place. But then... my heart changed. I don't know when, or how, or exactly why. But I know that it did. I know that between June 2010 and December 2010, my world changed completely from "me" to "baby". My heart began to burn with the knowledge of an eternal truth - families are forever. My baby deserved an eternal family... not a "maybe" family.
As a new mom, with my own sweet baby, I still can hardly believe that I was able to place. It was so hard. But because of what I have NOW, it was all worth it - the unexpected pregnancy, the horrible and dramatic breakup (which ultimately ended up in happiness for both parties, separately), and the decision to live at home at age 20. It was because of all of that that I ended up meeting Bradley, falling into a love I never dreamed possible, and starting my little family. If not for my adoption experience, I would not have had so many opportunities open to me. I would not know so many wonderful people across the world.
Before I got pregnant, I was living a "happy" life. I thought I was happy. I thought I was in love. I thought life couldn't get any better.
But this... this is REAL happy. I have a firm faith in God and my Savior, Jesus Christ. I know that I have been forgiven for the things of my past that hurt others. I know that I am a precious daughter of a Heavenly King. I am destined for incredible things.
My real happy is this - knowing that I helped create an eternal family, and through that experience, I desired my own. And now, every morning, I wake up to my wonderful husband next to me. I gaze at my daughter's beautiful face... and I am home. I am whole.