be still

Alright, so here's the deal. The post I made before, if anyone even read it before I deleted it, was written in anger. I haven't been angry in a long time. It was because my pride was hurt, and I was blaming others for my own insecurities. In retrospect, that was really stupid to write... So from now on, I'll only write when I'm even-tempered. (Kind of like that idea of NOT making decisions on emotional lows OR highs... do not blog on emotional lows... sometimes highs. :) ).

I keep being reminded lately to "be still... and listen". I am still a little unsure of how the Spirit speaks to me. I know how I feel when something is obviously wrong... but what about little things? I get so nervous sometimes, wondering if I was pretending to get an answer or really got one. I read a post on the r house  about mrs. r's thoughts on "be still" (and she's doing an awesome giveway from the r house couture !!!) and it reminded me yet again... just be still. Listen with a pure heart, and a mind single to God.

Today is my 21st birthday. Happy Birthday to me!!! I had some good friends over, and we ate, listened to music, played card games, made a lot of "your mom" and "that's what she said" jokes, and had a great time. I don't think I've laughed so hard in a long time... it felt so nice. Maybe 21 WILL be the best year of my life! (Knock on wood...)

I keep thinking about the perfect man. There was an exercise that I did with my caseworker a couple of months before little David was born. We drew a stick figure man on the whiteboard (no, the perfect man is NOT a stick figure, but neither of us were artists, so...) and labeled him with all of the qualities {my} perfect man will have. We divided them into "Deal Breakers" and "That'd-Be-Nice" (I know, we're so original..). I wish I could remember exactly what we put, but it really made me think about what I want, and especially about what *I* need to do to deserve the "Deal Breakers". So here is a new list, some of which I'm SURE were on the original list. I would attempt to do a stick figure, but I'm only just able to type. Bear with me.

{Deal Breakers}
Must be an *honorable* priesthood holder
Must put God before anything else, including me
Must take me to the temple, and remind me of that goal
Must take me BACK to the temple
Must have a sense of humor
Must adore me, and make me a top priority (at least, when we get more serious)
Must want a family (duh)
Must be willing to work hard, and try to let me be a stay-at-home mom (although I will work if necessary)
Must get along with my family AND his own (especially his own)
Must love dogs (heh heh heh)
Must be willing to work through disagreements, instead of dancing around the issues.
Must be intelligent (No, I'm serious on this one, I will not marry an idiot... he wouldn't last a minute in my family)
Must hold and comfort me when I cry
Must be good-looking - at least to me. ;-)
Must be stable in life.
Must be willing to hold hands in public.
Must open doors for me.
Must like to snuggle.
Must tell me I'm beautiful. (even when pregnant)
Must ALWAYS kiss me goodnight.
Must be ambitious (but not overly so)

{That'd-be-Nice}
Broad shoulders. mmm...
Great lips (bahaha...)
Already in a career (Some guys are still in school, which is why this isn't a deal-breaker)
Dark-featured
Tall
Likes the same music
Likes to read
Surprises me
Golfs

I'm sure I could keep adding to the list, and some things will switch from the "Deal Breakers" to the "That'd-Be-Nice"s every so often. But I honestly don't think those things are too much to ask for. I know there are guys out there who have every single trait I listed, plus some.

Here is what I need to work on - patience.  I know the things I need to be doing to be worthy of such a superman, but sometimes I get too impatient which leads to frustration which can lead to murmuring... It's a vicious cycle. But, this week, I will make a very conscious effort to not murmur. I will find somebody to serve. I will make myself more Christlike, so that a man who has the "perfect woman" list will see his {perfect} traits in me. I'm capable of loving, I know that, but I also know that I cannot love just *anyone*. That will just bring more pain. So here I go, continuing to better myself... wish me luck!

Love is…walking the dog, together.   
 

Love is…bringing out the best in each other.