My name is Sterling, I'm 22-years-old, and I am the birthmother to the most gorgeous little boy in the world. I started this blog to share my experiences, thoughts, and help myself move forward after placing my sweet little boy. If this is your first time visiting my blog, I invite you to read my story (top of the left column). Feel free to comment with questions or requests. If you follow me, I'll follow you!

Thursday, August 12, 2010

leavin' on a jetplane...

After about 3 wrong exits on our way to the airport (you know, the airport we’ve been to hundreds of times.. love you mom!) we made it to our gate.

When we checked in, and asked at the gate if there was any way we could sit together (we being my mom and me). 30 minutes later, we were called to the gate and got seats together. Score!

I stood in line… walked onto the plane… sat down… pushed my computer bag under the chair in front of me… sent my last few texts… then it hit me.

I’m on my way.


Where did the time go?

Four hours… this will be the longest four hours of my life.

Yes, it IS the longest four hours. It’s been just over three, and I’m about to uhm… I don’t know. Laugh? Cry? I’m feeling claustrophobic. I need to jump up and scream.

On the moving-map, there are eight inches between Salt Lake City, Utah and Orlando, Florida. Our little airplane moves across the screen at the pace of about two inches per hour. As it moves, the line connecting the two cities turns from green to yellow.

Every bit of yellow makes me think too much. I’m so close, yet it feels like I’m soooooo far away!

Inch one – finish my scheduled blog post… stare out the window at the last bit of the Rocky Mountains… browse through the satellite television stations… take pictures of me and my mom.

Will he like me? Will he let me hold him? Will Dave and Amy still like me when I’m not carrying their baby? Will my hair be out of control in the humidity? Am I really okay with all of this?
(Don’t worry, Dave and Amy… I know these are silly thoughts.  )

Inch two – sip my ginger-ale… munch on my complimentary cookies… snack on my fruit and cheese plate (that I paid an my mom paid an outlandish amount for)… think about writing another blog post… start watching “America’s Got Talent”.

I probably shouldn’t have cut my hair. What am I going to do with my down time? Am I going to be a basket case on my trip back? What if I smell funny? Oh crap, I’m probably going to be in a swimsuit. …Will he remember me? (Of course he won’t, I know this.)

Inch three – Watch out the window while Memphis, Tennessee and Birmingham, Alabama pass below the plane… make a bathroom trip with my mom… eat another cookie… watch the most amazing ten-year-old on “America’s Got Talent”… Start worrying about getting Dave and Amy’s gift finished in time.

Just breathe… he’s a happy baby… he has everything in the world he could possibly need. He’s not the same infant I remember. Of course Dave and Amy still like me, they invited me down to Florida and offered to pay! Six days is plenty of time for little David to warm up to me. I can’t wait to get off this plane and pee…

Inch Four – Begin our descent into Orlando. Clean up the trash around me. Start blogging again. Remind myself that the gospel is not just about temporal happiness, it is about eternal happiness. I’m on the right road.

This ache is nothing compared to what it was in February. I’m on the right road. I’m so blessed to be able to go be with Dave and Amy and David! I have a good life, I have angels watching over me, and I am flying in to Orlando to witness a very special, sacred, and exciting week!

Right now, we are about ten minutes away from landing. I’m watching “The Nanny”, and I’m so excited I could burst. (And actually, my ears feel like they’re about to – OUCH!)

This will be one of the best weeks of my life. I will be near some of the most important people in my life. I will be able to see a family become eternal – ETERNAL! It’s mind-blowing. And I’m so incredibly blessed to have my mom with me, and that she will be in the temple to see Dave and Amy sealed to little David.

I can’t wipe this grin off my face. (At least, I’m seeing it in my mind. I’m probably staring at my screen and trying really hard to read what I’m typing…)

“ Be Still “ (and thank you so much to Janice for giving me a bona fide ‘r house couture’ necklace with my mantra stamped on it!)


  1. sterling! i'm so happy for you! give that adorable kid a kiss for me. it will be a wonderful day. :D

  2. Cant wait to hear the rest of this story!! have a great time! :)


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