My name is Sterling, I'm 22-years-old, and I am the birthmother to the most gorgeous little boy in the world. I started this blog to share my experiences, thoughts, and help myself move forward after placing my sweet little boy. If this is your first time visiting my blog, I invite you to read my story (top of the left column). Feel free to comment with questions or requests. If you follow me, I'll follow you!

Monday, November 1, 2010

27 minutes (and kickoff to National Adoption Month!)

I wrote this last night, but figured it would be an alright kickoff post. Happy National Adoption Month!

So right now my computer says I have 27 minutes of battery left. That means of the 1 hour and 54 minutes left of my flight to Dallas, I’m going to devote a whole 22 minutes to a blog post. 

Where do I even start? This week has been more amazing than I ever dreamed it could be. Not many birthmothers get to visit their children in a tropical paradise. I am so blessed. I don’t know how I came to deserve this. I feel like I can never be grateful enough for the situation I’m in. 

When I said goodbye today, I kept thinking, “How will this ever get easier?” … It never will. I don’t think it will ever get easier saying goodbye to my baby. Even when I have children of my own (that is, children I will raise), I will always consider Bo my baby. He is David and Amy’s son, but he will always be my baby. 

I’ll admit, I’m a total mess right now. I’ve been (unsuccessfully) fighting tears since earlier this afternoon. Holding Bo and kissing him, telling him how much I love him (and maybe he knows and can feel it), and just staring at that perfect little boy was so bittersweet. Thankfully, I’ve learned how to recognize when to say goodbye. I hate drawing out goodbye. 

So, here I am. In a few hours, I will touch down in Utah. I will run to my mom (yes, I’m 21 and I still run to my mom!), collapse in her arms, and together we’ll check the baggage claim. I’ll tell her everything I can remember on the drive back home. Tonight, I’ll sleep in my own bed. Tomorrow I will wake up, get ready for school, and start my first day of nail tech. I’ll be on the hair floor for a few hours, then I’ll go home to my house. So will be the next seven weeks. Then, sometime around Christmas, I’ll see David, Amy, and Bo again. I’m already starting a countdown. 

Something I thought about as I took off, though, is this – If I barely know Bo, and I feel an incredible longing to be near him… How does my mom feel when her baby is gone? If this is anything like how my mom feels when I’m away from her, I do not thank her enough for the unconditional love she has for me. 

One fun thing David and Amy told me was this – Bo only kisses them, and me. He gives this awesome sloppy, wet, full-mouth kiss that just melts my heart. Besides his parents, I’m the only one he gives those to. My heart feels like it could burst. He is truly the happiest little boy, and I am so grateful to be in his life. I am so grateful to David and Amy for allowing me to be a part of his life. I would not (emotionally, mentally, and spiritually) be where I am today if I weren’t for their trust and love for me. They trust me to be a good example to him, and to never try to undermine them as parents. 

I made a promise at placement that he would always be proud of me. He will. I will never do anything that could break that trust David and Amy have in me. I know now how important families are. I know how important the timing for families is. 

Amazingly, I also know that I will be a good mother. I won’t be perfect, and I won’t be extraordinary, but I know how to love. I know what it feels like to love someone so much I would do anything for their happiness. I will be a good mom… someday. 

Throughout this next week, I’ll post fun little stories from my trip. For now, I’ll just post a few pictures. They say it better than I possibly could. 
 On our way to the airport. All smiles! 

 I made a fleecy owl for him - and he loves it! 

 David, Amy, Bo, and I. So amazing that we could all be together.


 Giving kisses back. 

 She's like a sister and best friend.

 Still sleeps like a stinkbug!

 Sexy momma and her son at the beach!


  1. I'm so glad you had a wonderful trip. He is so beautiful, Sterling. You said you wondered if he could feel how much you love him - I think there is NO DOUBT he can feel that.

    I am envious of the relationship you have with Amy and hope to someday be as lucky.

    Love you lady.

  2. P.S. His stinkbug sleeping pose is adorable!

  3. For some reason I am always crying at the end of your posts. What an amazing time for you...and can I tell you that leaving your babies or having them leave you no matter if they are 2 months 2 years or 23 years is an easy thing. I am postive your mom feels the same way. I think you have discovered that a mother's heart beats in time with her child's and sometimes the distance is too much to bear. And by the way, it is no different if that child has come in to your life biologically or through adoption. I have done both and while each relationship is unique the love and motherly connection is the same. Bo is blessed, he will always have the love and protection of two mothers! Oh and by the way...I know you don't want to hear this...but Christmas is cancelled...until my children return. Lol!!! Get a countdown timer put on this blog you silly girl!!! Happy Adoption Month 12 years ago I adopted my little 10 year old Jared. I didn't know about adoption month then!!!

  4. P.S. the two of you look like you could be sisters.


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