My name is Sterling, I'm 22-years-old, and I am the birthmother to the most gorgeous little boy in the world. I started this blog to share my experiences, thoughts, and help myself move forward after placing my sweet little boy. If this is your first time visiting my blog, I invite you to read my story (top of the left column). Feel free to comment with questions or requests. If you follow me, I'll follow you!

Monday, May 31, 2010

breath in and out

I wasn't sure if I had the heart to post anything for memorial day. It seemed too cliche`. But then again, I'm the queen of cliche` so I might as well keep up my reputation.

"Well, I'm gonna get out of bed every morning... breath in and out all day long. Then, after a while I won't have to remind myself to get out of bed every morning and breath in and out... and, then after a while, I won't have to think about how I had it great and perfect for a while." - Sam Baldwin, 'Sleepless in Seattle'

I love this quote from Sleepless in Seattle. I watched a lot of sappy chick flicks right after I placed my little boy. This was one that I frequented via Netflix.

I think this is how it feels when we lose someone close to us. This is how I've been feeling every day since I knew Lynn was really passing away. When I would wake up, I'd keep my eyes closed for a moment longer, hoping it was one of those dreams where you thought you were awake, but you had to wake up again because you only dreamed you were awake. (Just think about it a minute, it'll make sense). All I could think was, "Another day. Here we go." Praying was hard, but necessary. I miss my dad so much...

Watching them close the casket at the funeral was the hardest part. I'll never see his face in person again... at least not in this lifetime. My heart was breaking, but it was really only breaking for those of us left behind. I know Lynn proved himself, he served his mission on this earth (I wonder if any of us realized part of that mission was to save me?) and was absolutely ready to move beyond the veil. I wish the veil was just a little thinner, or had some peek-holes or something... what I wouldn't give to hug him one more time. Just see him smile. I want to say something stupid, and make him laugh. It'll be a long time yet before that happens. I took everything for granted. I swear I will never do that again.

I love this song by Toby Keith. (I've always had a little celebrity crush on Toby)

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