My name is Sterling, I'm 22-years-old, and I am the birthmother to the most gorgeous little boy in the world. I started this blog to share my experiences, thoughts, and help myself move forward after placing my sweet little boy. If this is your first time visiting my blog, I invite you to read my story (top of the left column). Feel free to comment with questions or requests. If you follow me, I'll follow you!

Thursday, July 29, 2010


Congratulations to Ashlie, my give-away winner! Not only is she a blogger, she has some SUPER CUTE blog backgrounds/blinkies/etc. that are perfect for the chic blogger! See her stuff {here}.

(Ashlie, you'll be getting your tutu bow holder soon! It's funny because we actually only live about two miles apart...)

I have a story to tell, but I'm not using names for privacy/legal issues that could arise.

I'm active in my unwed mothers pregnancy support group at Layton LDS Family Services. I have met some of my best friends there, and I have learned so much about myself because of this group. Each girl has affected my life in different ways. We've supported each other, cried to each other, laughed with each other, and mourned with each other. We share pictures of our babies, share our sorrows, ask for advice, and grow as we watch each other make difficult decisions.

I met a beautiful girl who we'll nickname Jane. Jane is a beautiful girl, with a career and stability. When she found out she was pregnant, she and her boyfriend decided they would get married after their baby was born. She began making plans, and did all of the things expecting mothers do - she bought oodles of supplies, put together a baby room, took great care of herself, and through it all continued to come to group. It's always nice to have the mix of parenting mothers and placing mothers.

Jane first started coming to group when I was 38 weeks pregnant. She saw me right at the very end, but we honestly weren't close at all. The girls I'd become close with had all stopped coming to group by that time, and I hadn't connected with the new girls yet. I delivered, placed, then resumed going to group. Over the next few months, I saw Jane grow (metaphorically and literally) and I could sense the incredible love for her son. I knew she would make a great mother, and I was excited about her happy ending to a difficult situation.

At 37 1/2 weeks, Jane and her fiance ended things. He became a bully, pressuring her to let his parents adopt the baby, then threatening to "sue" her for custody... all of those icky things we hear about happening with birthfathers (which, unfortunately, has given birthfathers a bad reputation... and it makes me sad). Less than two weeks until her due date, Jane has made the incredible decision to place her little boy. Her strength and courage leave me in awe. After planning to parent, and envisioning a child in her arms, she listened to the spirit and is giving her little boy even more. Although I haven't used her real name, please pray for her. Please pray that she will continue to have incredible strength, and to remember her  incredible love for her son.

"Birthmother" is no longer just a word. It has so much meaning to me now. I hear it, and I think about these wonderful girls and women I've met, who've helped me through my difficult times. They have lifted me up when I needed it, and now I hope and pray that I can do the same for them. I hope they all know how very loved they are.

(PS - I'm totally going to the National FSA Conference tomorrow. Are you?)

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Give-away!!! (Finally!)

Ladies and gentlemen (you know, the two gentlemen who have secretly read my blog but will never fess up to it), the time has arrived. I finally have 25 followers, so here's a give-away!

I like being crafty. It doesn't consume my life, but I do really like it. A few months ago, I really got into this -->
If you can't tell what it is, it's a tutu bowholder. Still confused? It hangs on the wall, and the cute little ribbons hanging from the waist hold little girls' hairbows! I know, adorable, right?? (oh, and the ribbon around the bodice holds little clips!)
I wanted to do this for my give-away... but I also realize that some of you are either, A) parents of boys, or B) aren't raising children (yet), OR C) will soon have a boy AND a girl! (I love you, Holly!)

So the give-away options are as follows: 
A) Girls Tutu Bowholder (Custom colors)
B) Boy's Animal Lovey (Custom color/animal, I can make it for a girl, too.) (sans embroidery, I'm not THAT good yet!)
C) A custom etched-glass cube. (Makes a great nightlight, ask me how!)
(with your name/custom etched onto it, also in 6x12)

Want to know how to enter? Well, dear friends, here's what you must do. (Each entry is separate, so you'll leave MULTIPLE comments!)

Leave a comment telling me why you are following my blog, and a contact e-mail. (You must be a registered follower, so click the little button up-top that says "follow")

Blog about me/my blog (leave a comment with your blog address, and an e-mail to contact you)
Tell me why you love adoption (leave an e-mail to contact you)
Friend me on Facebook (if you add me in the next 24 hours, I'll verify first... leave an e-mail to contact you)

I'll leave this open for a few days, and use to choose a winner.

Also, if you are in one of those boy AND girl situations, we can definitely work something out. :-)

Friday, July 16, 2010

Quick post before work!

Two things, first of all my adoption crush (who doesn't even know I exist) and her husband are looking to adopt again! is their link. Also see for more about Lindsey's life. They have two adorable little boys, and very loving relationships with their sons' birthmothers. Everything Lindsey writes is amazing, and someday I hope I can meet her. (Maybe she'll be at the National FSA Conference? I'm pretty sure I'll pee my pants if I see her).

Aaaaaaand - duhn duhnta duhn!!!

I'm going to Florida!!!
Here's what happened - my cumulative course exam was scheduled for August 11, 2010. That is the ONE exam I can neither take early, nor make up. I must be there, no questions asked, unless my head gets lobbed off by machete. In which case, I'll need to consult with student services about re-taking the course in the fall.

Me: Kim, is there any possible way I can take the cumulative exam early? It's for something really, really important.
Kim: We can't let anyone take it early or retake it. It has to be the day of. If it's a doctor's appointment, you can take it in the afternoon instead of morning block.
Me: Actually I'm wanting to be in Florida that whole day... til Sunday.
Kim: Vacation isn't a good excuse, sorry sister.
Me: It's not a vacation, not really. My little boy's adoption is being finalized and I really, really want to be there because they're getting sealed pretty soon after, then blessing him that Sunday.
Kim: You had a baby?
Me: Yeah, in February.
Kim: Wow, you look good! *{I love this reaction!!!}*
Me: Thanks... so no chance, though?
Kim: Well, That would make you absent for a full week.
Me: No, just Wednesday. Thursday and Friday there's no school.
Kim: The 11th? We switched the cumulative exam to the 16th.
Me: Seriously!?
Kim: Yeah, the new schedule is on the board. Angela will be out of town.
Me: *some sort of squealing noise*
Kim: I take it you're going?
Me: Yes! *squeal*
Kim: That's awesome. My sister keeps hoping her son's birthmother will get back in contact with them. Do you have a good relationship with your son's parents?
Me: The best! Your sister adopted?
...... on and on and on, the other instructors started talking about friends they knew, how awesome they thought it was that I was going to be there for finalization, blah blah blah...

I'm going to be there! I get my closure! Thank you, Angela, for being out of town on the 11th. Thank you, DATC, for deciding to close down the school on the 12th and 13th. My life rocks!!!

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

be still... again

Dave and Amy got the news they've been waiting for! The court date is set for August 11, 9:00 am, in Orlando, Florida.

This has been one of the most difficult afternoons/evenings of my life. Don't get me wrong, I'm so excited I could pee my pants. (Seriously, I almost did when I read the e-mail. Maybe it's still a postpartum side-effect.) Despite my best efforts to work things out, I will not be there.

Here was what I envisioned - I would be in the room when the adoption was finalized. Temporal closure. It would be finished. Then, I would wait outside the temple as Dave, Amy, and my sweet, beautiful David were sealed. They would walk out, all in white, and I would see them as a brand new eternal family. I would cry, laugh, and rejoice in that glorious moment with them. Eternal closure.

I got to be there a few weeks ago when Paige's sweet little Andi was sealed to her parents, Kim and Shane. I was invited to witness the joy of the entire family as the three of them came walking out of the temple together. It was overwhelmingly beautiful, wonderful, and I wanted to observe that moment forever. Seeing the joy on Kim and Shane's faces made me anticipate David's sealing that much more. I would be more closely connected with it.

August 11, 2010 will be my second favorite day for the rest of my life (maybe third, if I get married), (first was the day David was born). On that day, I will be rejoicing. I will be praying, and asking for strength. I will try with all my might to make my love travel the 2,500 miles to Florida where it should be. Where it is supposed to be. I won't be in Florida that day... but my heart will be. Every single piece. Sorry, gentlemen, but don't even bother trying to woo me that day.

In institute today, we talked about Temples. They are still a mystery to me. The ordinances and work that goes on inside is still mostly unknown to me - which is just fine. But I'm aching to go. My heart longs to be ready to enter that sacred house of the Lord. I still have a lot of preparing to do, but I will go inside someday. Never has it been more important to me. I am so grateful for the eternal nature of families, and that we are given the opportunity to secure that sacred bond, that sealing, on this earth. I am so grateful to be sealed to my family, and I am grateful that in less than a month my sweet David will be eternally sealed to his family. HIS family. For... forever. (Does the idea of eternity blow anyone else's mind? Wow!)

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

it's all in!!!

Julie and I talked tonight.

There's one paper that Dave and Amy have been waiting on until they are cleared to set a court date for everything to be finalized.

Julie says - The paper is in! It's been submitted to Florida, and as soon as it's accepted, it will be official! David Allen Harmon III!!!

My computer is finally fixed, so I can get back to being a part of the blogosphere again! I'm about to start a movie with my mom, so I'll make this a short post.

I Just want to throw this out there - I am so grateful for this gospel. The gospel of Jesus Christ. I'm grateful that I will be able to "see" (stand outside the temple) my beautiful son get sealed to his parents. I won't raise him, and I wasn't meant to be his mother. I know that David was meant to be with Dave and Amy. The Lord had a hand in my entire situation. I miss him, but I wouldn't wish him back. He is happy, and living the life he deserves with his parents. The parents he was always meant to be with. And I am so flippin' excited that they'll be sealed soon!!! eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!!!
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