My name is Sterling, I'm 22-years-old, and I am the birthmother to the most gorgeous little boy in the world. I started this blog to share my experiences, thoughts, and help myself move forward after placing my sweet little boy. If this is your first time visiting my blog, I invite you to read my story (top of the left column). Feel free to comment with questions or requests. If you follow me, I'll follow you!

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

be still... again

Dave and Amy got the news they've been waiting for! The court date is set for August 11, 9:00 am, in Orlando, Florida.

This has been one of the most difficult afternoons/evenings of my life. Don't get me wrong, I'm so excited I could pee my pants. (Seriously, I almost did when I read the e-mail. Maybe it's still a postpartum side-effect.) Despite my best efforts to work things out, I will not be there.

Here was what I envisioned - I would be in the room when the adoption was finalized. Temporal closure. It would be finished. Then, I would wait outside the temple as Dave, Amy, and my sweet, beautiful David were sealed. They would walk out, all in white, and I would see them as a brand new eternal family. I would cry, laugh, and rejoice in that glorious moment with them. Eternal closure.

I got to be there a few weeks ago when Paige's sweet little Andi was sealed to her parents, Kim and Shane. I was invited to witness the joy of the entire family as the three of them came walking out of the temple together. It was overwhelmingly beautiful, wonderful, and I wanted to observe that moment forever. Seeing the joy on Kim and Shane's faces made me anticipate David's sealing that much more. I would be more closely connected with it.

August 11, 2010 will be my second favorite day for the rest of my life (maybe third, if I get married), (first was the day David was born). On that day, I will be rejoicing. I will be praying, and asking for strength. I will try with all my might to make my love travel the 2,500 miles to Florida where it should be. Where it is supposed to be. I won't be in Florida that day... but my heart will be. Every single piece. Sorry, gentlemen, but don't even bother trying to woo me that day.

In institute today, we talked about Temples. They are still a mystery to me. The ordinances and work that goes on inside is still mostly unknown to me - which is just fine. But I'm aching to go. My heart longs to be ready to enter that sacred house of the Lord. I still have a lot of preparing to do, but I will go inside someday. Never has it been more important to me. I am so grateful for the eternal nature of families, and that we are given the opportunity to secure that sacred bond, that sealing, on this earth. I am so grateful to be sealed to my family, and I am grateful that in less than a month my sweet David will be eternally sealed to his family. HIS family. For... forever. (Does the idea of eternity blow anyone else's mind? Wow!)

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