My name is Sterling, I'm 22-years-old, and I am the birthmother to the most gorgeous little boy in the world. I started this blog to share my experiences, thoughts, and help myself move forward after placing my sweet little boy. If this is your first time visiting my blog, I invite you to read my story (top of the left column). Feel free to comment with questions or requests. If you follow me, I'll follow you!

Sunday, April 25, 2010

If only they knew...

I feel that I've been selfish. That I've focused so much on MY side of adoption, that I never took the time to fully think about things from the adoptive side. Today, I woke up to read Ashley's Guest Post on the r house blog. As per usual, I cried. I cried because I truly wish I knew - Why was I able to get pregnant so (seemingly) easily, when there are hundreds of thousands of waiting, ready, and God-loving women who desire so much to be mothers, but for whatever reason are infertile? Why must these women, who have been dreaming of having huge families their whole lives, go through the pain and heartache of infertility treatments? I have begun to realize that ANY pregnancy is a miracle. My pregnancy is a miracle. I've always talked about adoption as a miracle, and I'm beginning to realize that more and more.

I wish I could fully convey the feelings I have for the beautiful, wonderful women who may only be able to sustain a pregnancy once or twice, if ever at all. Birthmothers are often told that we are "angels". It's hard to believe such a thing when the usual reason for us becoming pregnant is because we were immoral in our actions. But the truth is, the mothers (in EVERY sense of the word!) that we place our children with are the true angels. I hope that they know how loved, adored, and special they are. Amy is my angel. I don't know if I can fully express my gratitude for her and Dave. That they were righteous, worthy, and ready to be parents when I knew in my heart that I couldn't be. They are David's parents, in this mortal life and in the eternities. It is thanks to them, and their willingness to pursue parenthood in a non-conventional way, that I was able to turn my life around and live my life so that when the day comes, I can be a mother, too. They gave me hope and encouraged me to turn to my Heavenly Father when it would have been so easy to walk the other direction. How many people have that kind of unconditional love??

How much more beautiful our world is, full of these wonderful mothers and fathers who truly understand the sanctity of life. Who know that any pregnancy is a miracle. Who know that being a mother or a father doesn't necessitate a biological child.

The r house posted this quote, and I would like to share it. I think it applies to ALL mothers (you know what I mean).

You are the poem I dreamed of writing,

the masterpiece I longed to paint.

You are the shining star I reached for in my ever hopeful quest for life fulfilled.

You are my child.

Now with all things I am blessed.

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