My name is Sterling, I'm 22-years-old, and I am the birthmother to the most gorgeous little boy in the world. I started this blog to share my experiences, thoughts, and help myself move forward after placing my sweet little boy. If this is your first time visiting my blog, I invite you to read my story (top of the left column). Feel free to comment with questions or requests. If you follow me, I'll follow you!

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

I Miss...

being pregnant.  I'm told it would be different if I had him with me still, but I had an incredible pregnancy. I was rarely sick, I loved being pregnant, and I always felt beautiful. I felt like I had a special purpose, and I knew I was carrying something so precious and perfect inside me.

My caseworker and I talked about the pain of placing for adoption, and she mentioned that one of the other girls I've gotten close to said she would never wish the pain of placement on her worst enemy. It's true. If it was purely physical pain, then maybe. This pain is different. It's a hollow ache. The only thing I can think of that would be more painful is the death of a child. I pray that I will never have to go through that, and I pray for comfort for those who have.

I'm really missing Lynn tonight. ( ) I call him my step-dad, but let's be honest... he's my dad. He held me through my pregnancy and helped counsel me through my repentance process. He has comforted me, supported me, and been everything a dad should be. When he wakes up, I'll call him dad. Like I should have all along. I still have a relationship with my real dad, but Lynn is the father I've always needed. And I need him now. I wish so much that he would wake up and come home. Whoever reads this, please pray for him. I miss my dad. 

1 comment:

  1. i agree....never in a million years would i wish the pain on my worst enemy. you said it perfectly.

    it is hard to read your thoughts, i won't lie. because the one thing i want to do most for you i cannot, and that is to take your burdens as my own. i have grown to love you as one of my sisters. i love all birth moms as my sisters.

    ps...i miss pregnancy SOO much too! i'm glad i'm not the only one. :)


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