My name is Sterling, I'm 22-years-old, and I am the birthmother to the most gorgeous little boy in the world. I started this blog to share my experiences, thoughts, and help myself move forward after placing my sweet little boy. If this is your first time visiting my blog, I invite you to read my story (top of the left column). Feel free to comment with questions or requests. If you follow me, I'll follow you!

Wednesday, May 5, 2010


Never let anybody tell you what you can and cannot have in your future.

Never let anybody try to define you by what they DO NOT KNOW!

I had a conversation the other night that went something like this...

Me: My priorities have changed... my life has changed. I want to get married, have a family.  And I'll wait.
Stupid Jerk: What does marriage have to do with it? You need to get that silly idea out of your head.
Me: There are still people in this world who believe in marriage, just because you're not one of them doesn't mean someone won't someday love me for everything I am...and everything I am not... and want to make a lifetime and eternal commitment.
Stupid Jerk: Marriage doesn't mean crap. If you think that's what will keep a guy from walking out on you, you're wrong. He'll walk if he wants to. And he probably will want to. A piece of paper won't change that.
Me: No wonder you're so unhappy all the time. I still believe I'll have my fairytale ending, thanks.
Stupid Jerk: Fairytales don't exist. It's a fantasy people create to go along with some bogus religious beliefs. Live in the real world. Remember Jaclyn? (name has been changed)
Me: Yeah?
Stupid Jerk: She gives me that crap all the time - telling me she will meet a guy, they'll fall in love, get married, have a family. But here she is, 27, and has yet for that to happen. Her problem is that she's too hot to get married. Beautiful girls will never get married because the matching counterparts (I'll assume he meant good-looking guys) are only into one-night stands.
Me: Or maybe things just haven't been right yet. Way to trash her faith in men.
Stupid Jerk: That's your problem, too. You're too good-looking to ever get married. Guys who are actually into that fidelity crap won't ever go for you because it's assumed you'll cheat on them. So you should just be the girl who has no emotional attachment, go to bars, pick up a guy, get him home then be like 'buh-bye'.
Me: Yeah, because I'm like that.
Stupid Jerk: You should be, you'd be good at it.
Me: I can't do that. It's so wrong. I'll wait my entire life if I have to. But I'll have the life I dream about.
Stupid Jerk: Be prepared to end up a cat lady.

So I drove home crying. How could he think he has the right to tell me that I can't expect a fairytale? No, I don't expect a guy to come sweep me away on a white horse, and live happily ever after. But even though I have every right to NOT believe in love... I still do. I know it's there. I have seen it. And I know that it's okay to believe that I'll get married... have children... be with my family forever. That's the plan of happiness! Being told that nobody will ever love me... that hurts. So much. It takes a lot for me to keep my head up and keep moving forward after hearing stuff like that. I hear it all the time. But one thing I know - I know that I have the ability to love. And because I know that I can love, I know I can BE loved as well. I've been promised that someone will love me with all of his heart, and I will never have reason to doubt that love as long as I give myself to him fully. (I love my patriarchal blessing). I trust that my Heavenly Father will help me... in His time. I don't expect to meet a guy tomorrow and be married by December. But I know he's out there, waiting to meet me, too.

To my Eternal Companion - I'm becoming who you're looking for. It's been a long, hard road, but I'm almost there. I'm working hard, and I know that we will find each other. I love you already, and I know you already love me. I pray every day that when we do meet, I'll be able to feel the prompting of the Spirit to pursue a relationship. Until that day, stay strong. Don't lose hope. I'm here, I promise! We will be together forever. Love, Me


  1. yeah we can just go ahead and call ourselves twins.
    our priorities are in sync!! haha i love you, sterling.

  2. OH. and i just wanna say...did you ever read my post about forgiving taylor? (it's been deleted now) but still. one of my BIGGEST regrets is that i didn't have a back bone, and i let him hurt me when i was already so hurt from placement. don't let this stupid jerk kick you when your down sterling, you deserve someone sitting next to you making up the fairytale with you, not telling you they don't exist. trust me on this. ;)

  3. I love you Sterling. You deserve a fairytale...and you'll find one. Stupid Jerk sounds like a real piece of work. Don't let him shatter your dreams. You'll find your prince charming, and he may be driving a white El Camino instead of riding a white horse but that will just make your story all the more interesting.

  4. I did read that post, Meghan! I loved it. Thankfully Stupid Jerk isn't anyone I'd ever consider a relationship with - he's a guy that I have to put up with for the sake of my employment. But I'm seeing more and more that yes, I do deserve a fairytale. Every woman does. My hardest part is being patient and remembering that it will happen on the Lord's time.
    Thanks Holly! It really does take so much to push ideas like that out of my head. And hey, I would totally love a white el camino! haha... or maybe a white '67 Mustang?


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