My name is Sterling, I'm 22-years-old, and I am the birthmother to the most gorgeous little boy in the world. I started this blog to share my experiences, thoughts, and help myself move forward after placing my sweet little boy. If this is your first time visiting my blog, I invite you to read my story (top of the left column). Feel free to comment with questions or requests. If you follow me, I'll follow you!

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Just thinking.

I'm not good at the post-a-day thing. But I'm an adoption advocate, and I've been talking about and supporting adoption every day all month. So I'm trying.

Tonight I started thinking about how I'm doing - emotionally, mentally, spiritually. I'm an emotional person. It's just part of who I've become. I cry when something tugs at my heartstrings. That's not to say I start bawling in public. I usually save my tears for when I'm in my car or alone in my room. My girls at group see me cry every week. They are good tears, though. I cry when I talk about any part of my adoption experience. I cry when I talk about Dave and Amy. I cry especially when I talk about Bo. Someone who touches your life so much is bound to have that much of an impact. I was only his mom for two days, but those two days gave me enough memories to last a lifetime.

This holiday season is going to be a little hard. I told my girls at group the other day that I don't know what I was thinking last year - putting all of my important events on or around holidays. The day after Thanksgiving, I met Dave and Amy for the first time. I told them I was placing with them on Christmas Eve. The day before New Year's Eve, they went to group and dinner with me, and met Lynn for the first (and only) time. How can I top that?! I guess every holiday from now on will just have to be a competition. I fully expect Christmas this year to be difficult. I miss Lynn. So much.

I do have some bright spots for Christmas this year. Sometime during the Christmas holiday, I'll see Dave, Amy, and Bo. I'll spend the major holidays with the Kraaima side of the family (Lynn's side). I'll get to go snowboarding this year. My mom and I will get to spend a lot of time together.

This was mostly a post about what's going through my mind. I'm nostalgic. Here's a link to the song that goes with a book I gave Bo at placement. The entire time I was in Florida, it was stuck in my head. (Other Florida stories to follow, now that I've written them in my journal).

Snuggle Puppy Song 

And as a side note, I think this song is adorable.

This Ain't No Love Song


  1. i cry too. the whole adoption journey was such a spiritual thing for me, how can i not get emotional? i was at group last night and a girl who placed last week told her story and she didn't get emotional. not at all. i don't understand... sorry i comment all the freaking time, i just love your blog!

  2. Alli, I love your freaking comments. :-)

    I have only heard one story from a girl who didn't get emotional at all. I'm so glad I didn't deal with my grief by putting up a wall or dissociating from everything. :-) I guess that's how people deal with it, though. I hope she (and the girl you heard last night) are truly okay. My thoughts are with them.


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