My name is Sterling, I'm 22-years-old, and I am the birthmother to the most gorgeous little boy in the world. I started this blog to share my experiences, thoughts, and help myself move forward after placing my sweet little boy. If this is your first time visiting my blog, I invite you to read my story (top of the left column). Feel free to comment with questions or requests. If you follow me, I'll follow you!

Monday, January 3, 2011

blog rant.

You know you're going to love this post. My thoughts are all running together quickly, and I may jump around a lot. But it has GOT to come out.

So the reason I'm even blogging at this time of the morning is because I went out to start my car this morning, and since it's been sitting in the cold for five days now (I had LASIK done and haven't been driving) it will not start. I have it on a battery charger, but heaven knows how long that will take. So, I jumped online and started browsing the blogosphere. Here is what I'm currently frustrated with...

Facebook is an open, public place. Even if your profile is set to private and only your "friends" can see your information, I can 100% guarantee that not EVERYONE wants ALL of their "friends" viewing some of their dirty laundry. I know people are biased and will always make themselves look like martyrs, but for heaven's sake! Realize that the people you are PUBLICLY bashing are probably mutual friends with at least ONE of your friends.

Blogs? Not so private. Especially if you have it set so ANYONE can follow your blog. I follow three blogs privately, and I honestly have no idea if the authors know or not. One of them is ALWAYS bashing on my best friend and me. My name has not been used, but my best friend's name has been. Multiple times. What's worse, this blog is CONSTANTLY being linked on Facebook where all of our mutual friends are reading it. The full story is NOT being told, and my best friend is made to look like an absolute fool, and I was called a "homewrecking ex". You have GOT to be kidding me! The author of this blog is not so innocent, and it drives me MAD that everyone else besides that person is portrayed as sinful, evil, and the cause of all the author's problems. But oh well. I guess that's the point of a personal blog, right? Gr.

with all of the drama that I see, I sincerely hope these people soon REALIZE they are hurting others. If someone is cruel to you, don't tear them down. Don't make everyone hate them. That will solve nothing. Christ said to love our neighbors. I know that I have a HUGE problem loving those who have offended me, but I hope I would have the strength to ultimately let go and pray for that person to have a change of heart. I need to have my own change of heart, first, and work from there.

Don't preach repentance, acceptance, and moving on... then blame the rest of the world for the problems YOU have helped to create in your life. When I found out I was pregnant, I couldn't say it was all Ben's fault. I absolutely know I was there, too! I definitely remember it! The problems between us after learning I was pregnant wasn't the result of one person or the other, it was both of us. We were making poor choices prior to the pregnancy, and it was no wonder our relationship was falling apart. It wasn't based on eternal principles, with an eternal perspective. It was quite physical and had been for some time. Is it any wonder we fell apart when we suddenly had a new, perfect life involved? The powers of procreation are God-given, and when those powers are used in the wrong way it can't be expected that everything will turn out sunshine-and-daisies. The desires of my heart were conflicting with a power stronger than I was, and I was miserable. For everyone involved. I could not serve two masters. I didn't choose to place my little boy because I wanted to continue my life of hypocrisy and sin, I placed because I knew he deserved to be in a home that had respected the power of God and would have a temple sealing in place. I knew that I needed to change my heart and change my life, and it has been a long process. It is hard. Repentance doesn't happen overnight, or even in the course of week. Sin breeds nothing but despair, and I know that firsthand. I'm still dealing with that concept. Thank goodness David is where he is supposed to be, and that I was given enough mercy from God to be able to make that choice.

If the person I'm upset with right now reads this (you will know who you are), know that yes, I am upset. I'm angry. But also know that I have prayed for you every night for the past two months because, believe it or not, I know EXACTLY how you feel. But please, don't air out your dirty laundry for all the world to see. How can you expect someone to have a change of heart and not walk away when such cruel things are said about them? It's unfair. Use a journal, not a public place. Repentance should be a private process, and it's harder to go through when you're constantly being bashed and EVERYONE knows about it. Show some compassion for a confused and still-broken heart.


  1. Oh I agree completely with this! Good job at being brave enough to say it! My husband is a birthfather and I've had to deal with a lot of hatred, and read some nasty things from people who don't know the whole story, it's sad.

  2. You tell em lady!!! Way to have the strength, confidence, and integrity to stand up for what you know is right. Love you Sterrrrrling!

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  4. first of all.. my car did that too. it sucked. im sorry.

    second of all.. since ^^ made herself known, i read what your talking about. im just going to throw it throw it out there that the mud can easliy be slinged both ways. your a homewrecking ex? i don't think there was a home to wreck in the first place. i can see this girls anger and reason with her, but not when 7th grade name calling starts. especially on yours and bens relationship when she has NO IDEA about the bond you and ben had already shared prior to their relationship.. she said in her post she was she is turning that into ignorance. just my opinion.

    i love you sterling, you are an amazing woman.

  5. This is great. I was actually just having issues with this this morning. A girl I know is usuing her blog in ways I don't agree with and it's frustrating me. I wonder if it's possible there are connections here?

  6. I love you. Hang in there! Sometimes people realize their mistakes many years later and feel extreme shame and remorse for how they have treated people. You just carry on and hold your head up and know that you are choosing the right path. It's a shame they aren't.

  7. Such situations like the one you are describing are sometimes enough to make me want to delete my Facebook account entirely (though I can't because I use it for work). I am convinced that people say meaner things on their blogs and Facebook pages than they would ever say in person. It is hard to be a recipient of those unkind remarks! Hang in there!


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